How to Be Someone’s ‘Best Boss Ever’ and Why It Has Nothing to Do with Being Liked

Ask people to describe their “best boss ever,” and they rarely start by listing that leader’s achievements. Instead, they talk about themselves: how that boss made them feel valued, how they grew under them, how they were supported in moments that really mattered. They’ll say things like, “They saw things in me I didn’t see in myself” and “They were there during a really hard time personally.” And yes, many will add, “I really liked them.”

But being liked isn’t what makes someone a great boss. In fact, focusing too much on likability is one of the fastest ways leaders unintentionally limit their teams’ growth and their own effectiveness.

When leaders focus on being liked, they often end up avoiding the very things their teams need most. Feedback gets softened so it doesn’t feel harsh. Stretch opportunities are held back to avoid overwhelming someone. Expectations aren’t set because the leader doesn’t want to come across as a micromanager. The intention usually comes from a good place – to protect your team. But it ends up taking a significant toll on their performance and growth.

Being someone’s “best boss ever” has nothing to do with being liked first. It has everything to do with showing up with clarity, consistency and humanity in a way that helps your people succeed – not just in their current role, but in the long arc of their careers.

And that’s where senior leaders make the biggest difference.

Being Liked Isn’t the Goal – Being Trusted Is  

Employees rarely remember the bosses who wanted to be liked. They remember the ones they trusted.

Trust comes from being clear, fair and following through. It comes from a leader who says what they mean, holds a high bar and shows up the same way – whether things are going smoothly or feeling stressful. Trying to be liked can create uncertainty – employees don’t know what the leader really thinks or expects. Trusted leaders eliminate that guesswork.

Trust feels like:

• “I know what’s expected of me.”
• “I know how decisions get made here.”
• “I know how my boss will show up.”
• “I know they care about my performance and my growth.”

Those are the conditions that support high performance – and they have nothing to do with popularity.

Your Team Doesn’t Need a Perfect Leader – They Need a Human One 

Executives sometimes believe they need to project confidence, control and polish at all times. But the leaders who stand out – the ones people stay for, grow under and refer others to work with – are the ones who also show that they’re human.

Employees want to understand:

• how their leader learned the things they now know
• what mistakes shaped them
• what they had to figure out the hard way
• how they built confidence
• what they still struggle with today

When leaders let their humanity show, teams settle into a healthier, more productive mindset. It doesn’t mean lowering the bar – it means creating the conditions for great work. People see what real growth looks like and stop automatically interpreting their challenges as shortcomings. They begin to believe improvement is possible because their leader has shown it absolutely is.

Humanity doesn’t undermine authority. It strengthens it. Because people don’t follow perfection – they follow someone real.

Great Leaders Hold a High Bar – and Help People Rise to It  

Some leaders mistakenly believe that being supportive means lowering accountability. In reality, employees feel most supported when their leaders believe in what they’re capable of – even when they can’t see it yet.

The best bosses:

• give feedback early, not when it’s too late to fix
• set clear standards rather than shifting ones
• offer stretch opportunities instead of shielding people from challenge
• push people forward with encouragement and coaching
• hold people accountable without shame or surprise

High expectations paired with real support is one of the most powerful leadership combinations. It develops skill, confidence and adaptability – the traits organizations depend on during all times, and especially during times of uncertainty and change.

Most people don’t grow because work gets easier. They grow because someone they respected saw more in them than they saw in themselves.

Clarity Is the Most Underrated Leadership Skill  

Teams move faster when leaders communicate clearly. And they struggle when expectations are vague, priorities shift without explanation or decisions feel unpredictable.

Clarity sounds simple, but it’s a competitive advantage. It’s also one of the qualities employees consistently name when describing their best boss.

Clear leaders:

• define what “good” looks like in specific terms
• explain the “why” behind decisions
• help teams understand how their work connects to a broader strategy
• give direction without dictating every step
• communicate change transparently

When people understand what matters – and why – their performance improves. Confusion is expensive. Clarity is valuable – and efficient.

Clarity is also kind. It’s not just about making people feel good – it drives them to do their best work. Leaders who communicate well spare their teams the stress, confusion and extra work that come from guessing what’s expected. That does more for performance – and trust – than being liked ever will.

Great Leaders Create Environments People Want to Stay In – and Grow In  

Retention isn’t built on perks or personalities.
People stay for:

• clarity about what’s expected
• consistency that feels fair and predictable
• support during hard moments
• leaders who care about their performance and growth
• opportunities to stretch and learn

The “best boss ever” is almost always someone who invested in a person’s future – even when that meant investing their own time, energy and comfort. They have the conversations that feel uncomfortable, give feedback that’s direct and guide people into challenges they didn’t think they were ready for. And this has nothing to do with personality. Introverts, extroverts and everyone in between can lead this way. Support doesn’t mean shielding people from difficulty. It means helping them navigate difficulty well.

Senior leaders who are remembered as great – not just good – understand this. They create environments where people feel seen, prepared and encouraged to step forward. And when employees experience that kind of leadership, they don’t just stay; they bring other strong performers they know into the organization.

The Real Definition of the “Best Boss Ever”

It isn’t the leader who avoided every hard moment. It’s not the one who made work the easiest. And no, it’s not the one who was the most liked.

The “best boss ever” is the leader who:

• told the truth early rather than late
• set clear expectations without apology
• set a high bar for performance and growth
• showed how they learned, failed and improved
• helped people figure out where they wanted to go and supported them in getting there
• made people feel like they mattered, in the moments that mattered most

That is what makes someone unforgettable – and what turns a manager into the kind of leader people stay for, grow under and talk highly of years later.

For senior executives, the path to that kind of leadership starts by narrowing the lens. You spend most days thinking at the organizational level – strategy, capital, risk, headcount, markets. But the moments that define leadership rarely happen at the organizational level. They happen in individual, human conversations.

Ask yourself:

• What’s one conversation you’ve been avoiding – and how can you have it in a way the other person will actually hear and benefit from?
• What’s one decision you’re making where involving someone else would both improve the decision itself and give them an opportunity to grow?
• What’s one mistake you’ve made that you can talk about openly – not just with the executives around you, but with people deeper in the organization – so they can see how you learned, adapted and ended up where you are today?

Your title is one many strive for, but it’s your willingness to be human that gives people permission to truly learn and develop. The path you’ve walked – not as a perfect leader, but as a developing one – becomes a blueprint your teams can draw from as they navigate their own journeys. Choose one step you can take and put it into motion this week. That’s how “best bosses ever” are made – not through likability, but through the clarity and consistency to lead in the human moments that truly matter.

Written by Ashley Herd.