Building Effective Collaboration by Design

As leaders, we often emphasize the importance of collaboration. However, team members in many organizations still struggle with the most basic human behavior required for it: talking to people, rather than about them. While it seems simple, this distinction is fundamental to everything from psychological safety and trust to accountability and high performance. In a world characterized by complexity and constant change, the ability to collaborate effectively is vital for survival.

Of course, true collaboration isn’t fostered by fancy software, revised org charts, or new meeting formats. It occurs through conversations – how we engage, challenge, support, and ultimately understand each other. The quality of those conversations is often shaped not only by what happens in the room but also by what occurs in hallways, side channels, and private messages. Too often, teams fall into the trap of triangulation: discussing concerns about someone with others instead of addressing them directly with the person involved.

That behavior not only slows down progress but also erodes trust, fractures teams, and promotes a culture where people are the last to hear feedback about themselves. To build collaboration strong enough to withstand pressure, challenge, and change, we need to boost the courage, clarity, and discipline necessary to speak honestly and directly.

The Temptation of Talking About People

We’ve all seen it: a frustration with a colleague that gets vented to someone else. A concern shared with everyone except the person who could help solve it. In other words, a story (that all too often gets blown out of proportion) gets told in the absence of its main character.

This happens for reasons that seem understandable:

• We want to avoid discomfort.
• We want validation before confrontation.
• We’re unsure how the other person will respond.
• We think we can “process” our feelings first by talking them out with someone else.
• We assume the conversation will be easier if we approach it indirectly.

Regardless of the reason, talking about people rather than to them doesn’t work, and the listener is every bit as culpable as the storyteller for giving these words oxygen.

Talking to People: The Leadership Superpower Hiding in Plain Sight

Great collaboration is built through direct, respectful, open dialogue. When leaders and teams make it a practice to talk to one another, even when it’s uncomfortable and emotions can run high, they unlock what I call a “collaborative trifecta”:

1. Clarity
   Nothing slows down organizations more than misalignment. Direct conversations accelerate clarity, not just about tasks, but expectations, intentions, goals, and personal working styles. In clarity, lies kindness.
2. Trust
   People trust those who are willing to speak honestly and listen openly. Direct dialogue signals respect: “I value you enough to share this with you.”
3. Accountability
   Peer-to-peer accountability is one of the most powerful forces in organizational performance. However, it can only exist when people face each other, not when they talk about or around one another.

When team members talk to one another consistently and respectfully, the culture transforms. Issues get resolved faster. Innovation accelerates. Leadership becomes a shared responsibility rather than a positional one. People don’t just feel psychologically safe; they feel empowered.

Why Collaboration Breaks Down

Most collaboration issues don’t stem from a lack of talent or will. They stem from communication patterns that become normalized over time:

• Triangulation: Talking to a third party instead of the source.
• Assumptions: Filling in someone else’s motivations without asking.
• Avoidance: Hoping the conflict will resolve itself.
• Hero behavior: Attempting to “protect” someone from tough feedback that could actually help them.
• Digital action: Sending what should be addressed in a real conversation via email or text.

These behaviors create a drag on everyone in the organization. And when tolerated over time, they become embedded in its DNA.

The Power of Direct Conversation in High-Performing Teams

In CEO forums and the teams I’ve studied for more than two decades, the highest performers share a crucial characteristic: they address issues directly and collaboratively. They don’t gossip. They don’t vent sideways. They don’t allow unresolved tension to grow roots.

In these ensembles, it’s understood that:

• Talking about someone behind their back is unacceptable.
• Talking to someone directly is a sign of respect.
• The feedback you need most may be the feedback you want least, but it comes from a place of caring.
• Collaboration is essential to the relationship.

This mindset is as important in corporate teams as it is in CEO forums. Imagine how much faster decisions would be made, how much healthier cultures would be, and how much stronger relationships would become if team members embraced a commitment to direct dialogue.

Creating a “Talk-to-Not-About” Culture

This shift requires cultural leadership. Here are the commitments teams must make to embed this discipline:

1. Establish direct dialogue as a norm, not an exception.
   Set the expectation that concerns, questions, or frustrations must be addressed with the person involved first.
2. Equip people with the skills to have tough conversations.
   Most avoidance stems from a lack of practice. Training on constructive dialogue, curiosity, and emotional regulation is essential. (Read Craig Weber’s book, Conversational Capacity, to get you started).
3. Model the behavior at the top.
   When leaders model the way by demonstrating courage and respect in their conversations, the rest of the organization follows.
4. Reward clarity and transparency.
   Celebrate the people who engage directly, especially when it’s difficult.
5. Build psychological safety so direct feedback feels safe, not risky.
   Create an environment where people trust each other’s intent.

Summary

The leaders and teams who succeed in the future won’t be the ones who avoid tough conversations. They’ll be the ones who approach them with empathy, honesty, and a true intention to build stronger relationships and improve results.

Talking to people directly instead of about them isn’t just a communication strategy. It’s a commitment to honesty. It’s a catalyst for trust. And it’s the foundation of a culture where teamwork thrives intentionally.